look no pants
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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