im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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