what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
