apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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