So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
smell my finger.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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