I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
