I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
