I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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