During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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