I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
