I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
