U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
