He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
