She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
