Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
