No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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