If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
