I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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