Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
