we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
