Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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