Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
