I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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