Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk is not a location!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
