carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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