the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
