Who wears a wallet chain?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
