Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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