dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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