Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize