omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
