Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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