I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
