It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
