I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
