Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
