Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
