i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
