I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
