Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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