I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
