My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
