I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
