What did we do last night that was yellow?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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