Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
