my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She needs sedatives and a leash
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
