so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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