I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
