Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
