where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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