So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm both gender and math confused
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