i just sent this text using only my big toe
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
