3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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