dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
